THE DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL - MY STORY
cLICK HERE FOR AUDIO VERSION
Hello! If you found this blog post then it is safe to say that you my dear were guided here. The current frequency of the planet is calling the collective into a spiritual awakening. This is a sanity check for all those souls that have been placed on this earth to lead everyone into elevating their consciousness.
You are probably experiencing some elevation symptoms now and unaware of the origination, you may just be coming out on the other end of certain parts of the process, or you may be heading that way and spirit wants you to be aware or what’s to come.
No matter the placement in the journey, this story I am about to share should find you well. Anyone who this isn’t for, I’m sure has left the building by now, so for everyone still with me, let’s go on a little journey into the dark night of the soul.
What is The Dark Night of The Soul?
AKA “spiritual depression” or dark night of the ego. Occurs once we have awaken to our true divinity. Everything will seemingly be going wrong. You lose things such as jobs, friends, family members, and other relationships. The experiences during this time will be some of the hardest experiences yet to come into your life (physically & emotionally). This part of the process is waking you up to your shadow self/egoic self, you see what needs to be worked on and you become extremely resilient in the end. This is the death of your old self so that your true self can come alive to fulfill your higher-purpose.
This is very much real, and when it hits you, you will feel so alone, so discarded, and so immobile. Unfortunately, some do not pass through the barrier, due to never reaching that level of awareness to see what is really going on. Sadly, this sort of situation can result in suicide, addiction, violence, or other self- sabotaging behaviors. Other people around may perceive you as depressed, distant, or even schizophrenic.
disclaimer:
DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL TO RULE OUT ANY UNDERLYING CONDITIONS. ONCE YOU ARE ABLE TO RULE OUT ANYTHING PHYSICAL THEN IT IS TIME TO GO INWARD. (#1 sign: being told over and over again by doctors that everything is normal, but you do not feel normal. If everything is normal please do not use pharmaceuticals to mask the symptoms, let’s tap into real healing).
I was fortunate enough to be divinely guided into enlightenment through a series of events.
Side note: at the time, the word “enlightenment wasn’t even apart of my vocabulary - just so happened I had a free Saturday and my mom wanted to go check something out.
I live in a very small town in Missouri, so when something new comes to town, people get eager to poke around. My Mom had been telling me about this yoga barn/event space that a couple had opened on their property and she wanted to check it out. At the time I was mid physical therapy working on recovering from a crazy cycle of unknown…or uh-hem “normal” medical issues.
After a manic run through of specialists, tests, & scans, I was eventually diagnosed with “myofascial pain syndrome”…which I think was just something for the doc to say “here’s a diagnosis, and here’s 5 prescriptions for you to take daily” (Which I did not go pick up)
Needless to say, I had no yearning to take my ass to a yoga studio…
I had a crazy arrangement of symptoms including:
Weak/jittery muscles
Electrical body surges
Extreme heat up my spine
Vertigo
Inflammation
Involuntary body movement when lying in bed
Sleeplessness due to the feeling of falling in a black hole every time I started to fall asleep
Forceful body pulls, to the point of having to hold onto something as if I was going to be pulled down.
Along with all these and other weird shit my body was experiencing, it was pretty challenging and often painful getting out of bed each morning, so getting into downward dog was definitely not on my radar!
Fast forward 2 weeks
I had this thought in my head that if I stayed this way, it would be ok because my husband would take care of me. I had been going at this thing solo the entire time, he was present for 2 emergency room visits but still made sure I got to job #2 each night. One night before getting into bed I asked him if he could rub the muscle relief oil on my shoulders and upper back. I got a heavy sigh and a careless globbing and slopping of the oil onto my back.
I am completely convinced that was God’s way of saying “na-uh girl…I hear what you are thinking and, NO! being content like this is not an option”
So…my Mom started coming to my house in the evenings and massaging the muscle relief oil into my back before bed and I made it a mission to get myself full functioning again!
Fast forward 1 month
I completed my physical therapy, adapted to a normal daily at home routine of those therapies and added in extra stretching techniques I found on YouTube…I was doing it…getting better! Stairs and hills still made me nervous but everyday was getting better.
remember the barn??
The owner of the barn had made a post about hosting a 30 minute guided meditation session, free for anyone wanting to participate. Meditation was something I was just becoming familiar with….I didn’t do it regularly and frankly had an incredibly hard time getting myself into a state of stillness long enough to complete a meditation. Me, Mom, & my son made our venture to do this meditation session to check out the barn.
What I experienced was the start of my awareness of spiritual insights and divine downloads. During the guided meditation she went through the process of grounding and centering, one of the things we were guided to focus on was something we needed to bring into our lives.
For the first time I had fallen into a state of coherent hypnosis, although my eyes were closed I was seeing colors and movement, so pretty that I didn’t want to open my eyes…I felt really good like when someone plays with your hair and it feels so soothing you start dozing off. When she guided us to bring into awareness a focal point for improvement into our lives, this is what I saw…
After leaving that meditation session, we chatted briefly with the instructor about her yoga class. She said “well, it’s a different kind of yoga, It’s called Kundalini yoga & is more of a meditative style yoga”. I had no clue what Kundalini was but after what I had just experienced, meditation yoga sound good to me!
My first kundalini yoga class.
“…and as I sobbed UNCONTROLLABLY with my face on the ground…”
I don’t want to talk too much about Kundalini, my next blog post will be for that, but this Kundalini yoga class was where I had my first experience of a spiritual purge. The class was in the dark, there were those water reflective lights glimmering onto the ceiling. We started with slow pace breathing, stretching, and then moved into a more rapid series of breathing and body movements, while loud high frequency music played on the speakers. After the rapid series of movements and breathing we came into the child’s pose, and as I sobbed uncontrollably with my face on the ground, I realized I just surrendered. My spine was on fire and I had this odd feeling of dying but never being more alive. In the Kundalini post I will explain what exactly causes these certain sensations. Some people do Kundalini to nurture the energy and some people are experiencing an actual Kundalini awakening which is essentially the old “self” dying so that the true higher-self can come through.
All of these events as a collective were the beginning phase of my dark night of the soul. What I did not realize is that my egoic self was dying. What I thought I knew as my “self” was dying, I was being forced to recognize how I was living my life, how I was corrupting myself, how I was loving myself and others, and how I was not living my true divine path.
God was guiding me and it was up to me to decide to surrender or to go against this guidance - as you can imagine I chose to surrender. As I mentioned, this was just the beginning. it wasn’t til about a year later that I was actually hearing my guides and Angels. I learned how to connect to the spirit world and receive direct communication.
This communication can be extremely confusing to distinguish at first because it pretty much just sounds like your own thoughts inside your head. Adapting to regular meditation and rituals allowed me to be able to determine the difference.
I began doing research and educating myself on spiritual awakening, kundalini awakening, dark night of the soul, and anything else around elevated consciousness I could find.
I joined spiritual groups that resonated with me, took courses to work with professionals on chakras, spirit guides, breathing, and deep deep trauma work, and continued kundalini yoga with a new group of ladies.
Since May of 2017 I have experienced a total of 5 dark night of the soul purges along with 2 kundalini awakenings (the second one being less painful as the first)
The divine placed me in the path of a twin flame relationship. Just when I thought my breakthroughs were TAPERING off, the twin flame journey brought up a lot more than I could have ever imagined.
Through my spiritual practices I was led to remembering my roots as a witch and have openly claimed witchcraft as an everyday practice, honoring the elements of universe & earth from all angles along with calling in divine love and light to embrace my entire life and the life of my loved ones.
Over time, I have eliminated toxicity in forms of people and things.
I used to wish for my ex to face karma in the most intense manner…that of course will be done, because truth be told we all face our karma in the most intense way. One day after an extremely frustrating interaction, instead of stewing over it, I decided to start sending him love and protection and in turn I protected myself, my self-worth became extremely strong, and I became “unfuckwithable”. Although I still have to interact, eliminating that toxic mindset also further strengthened my relationship with my son.
One choice to surrender has changed my life
one choice at a time to choose love over hate has changed my life
one choice to become aware of my toxic emotional maturity changed my life
one choice to believe that I was deserving of true love changed my life
one choice to keep going forward changed my life
one choice of integrated divine love and light changes my life
One choice to stop worrying about what others thought changed my life
All it takes is one choice at a time, it’s not easy…infact it is quite debilitating at times.
This is my last life on Earth, I know this is true.
People say “live like it’s your last day on earth” but I say…
“Live like it is your last life on earth”
What changes would need to be made to secure your spot to live all of eternity with our Heavenly Father?
With love & light,
Rhea